Joke of the day! (No Memes)

Bean
Cheese
Cool
Arrow

Say that fast to your Mexican american friends, you will thanks me later.
 
anybody ever try archery blindfolded? if not you dont know what your missing
 
What is red and green and goes 200 mph???

A frog in a blender.
 
why do cows have hooves and not feet?

They Lactose
 
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with these findings, spent $13.27 (for a Playboy, Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) and concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
 
Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?"

Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."
 
Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they're walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"

The second hunter says," I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's an old gearbox over there, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there looking at each other, then gazing into the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there", says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

And the old farmer said... "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to an old gearbox!"
 
not all who wander are lost, most of us are looking for BEER
 
what did one saggy boob say to the other?

if you dont get support soon people will think yore nuts
 
this chick got mad at me for calling her a slut, but I had to tell her she has been on more weiners than heinz ketchup
 
if yore nose goes on strike (PICKIT)
 
News reported that Pete Townsend, Roger Daltrey and John Entwistle broke into an animal shelter and freed all the doberman pinchers

The police have now confirmed that "THE WHO" let the dogs out
 
every poop you take in Oktober is called a spooky dookie
 
So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs.
😢

I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me
😒
)
Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.
😳
 
if a cow does not make milk, is it a milk dud or udder failure?
 
the reason women live happier and longer lives then men is because they dont have wives. ☮️
 
How to catch a Polar Bear:
Cut a hole in the ice and line the hole with peas.
When the Polar Bear bends over to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
 
I took a quiz on fakebook called what's yore spirit animal and I got I got Extinct :WTF:
 
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