Joke of the day! (No Memes)

GLAMIS WEATHER
I was driving past a cemetery this morning and saw a man walking around. I shouted, “Morning!”
He replied, “No, just walking the dog.”
 
I've made many stupid decisions in my life,
but I never bought or wore a pair of "Crocs".
 
I saw my dog walk across some sandpaper.
he looked at me and said, Rough, Rough.
 
Whoever "JD" called them skid marks
Instead of Fart Art really missed the opportunity.
 
JD bought a waterbed and said it was way more bouncy than he expected.
I asked if he knew why.
He said, “I’m guessing it’s because I filled it with spring water.”
 
A turkey sandwich walked into a bar and ordered a beer…
The bartender said, “Sorry… we don’t serve food here.”
 
(At my boss's funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)

"Who's thinking outside the box now JD?"
 
I saw a group of kids throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.
 
It's been said, if your daughter is riding a horse,
nobody is riding her.
 
I can’t figure out why my paper airplane won’t take off…
I guess it’s just stationery.
 
Life's a funny thing. 13 years ago a teacher made me cry on a school trip,
Today I rejected their mortgage application.
 
Man: “Your Honor, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus.”
Judge: “Repeat infractions?”
Man: “Fine…3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus.”
 
I think wearing two different deodorants is a brilliant idea…
One under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
 
My buddy drives trucks during the day and leads an orchestra at night.
I guess that makes him a semiconductor.
 
I can never remember if today is still part of the holiday weekend…
If anyone asks, I’m pleading the Fifth.
 
I just framed a copy of the U.S. Constitution and hung it on my wall.
It's my Decoration of Independence.
 
Since the beginning of civilization, the powers that be,
have offered "Bread And Circuses".
So today, where the fcuk is my circus?
(More bread would be good also)
 
Stupid neighbor said to my wife, Your husband
should be hung for making you mow the lawn.
She replied, "He is hung, that's why I'm mowing the lawn".
 
Michell Obama upset being called "A Man".
If she sues, there is a thing called, "Discovery".
Then we all get to know if the videos are real.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top