Funny stuff your dad used to say....

"I never liked you when we were friends"

"Here's a dime, go call someone who cares"

"I saved your life today, I killed a chit eating dog"

All in jest of course, he was a good dad.

 
From my Grandpa. A classic 

“I wouldn’t piss down his throat if his guts were on fire “

 
"Here's your box" unless your going to work hard you might as well figure out how to live in it now. He was also a high school science teacher, until retirement he spent his 20s-40s laying carpet, then learned about stocks and became a broker, he always went to college when he could. finally graduated 25+ years later /w bs at ASU and msc at Georgia state U before becoming a teacher (I think my dad went to 6+ universities throughout the west/south). He was pretty blunt with his students since be began teaching in his 50s.

 
If she had as many Dix sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine. 

 (Had to get around the spelling sensor). 

 
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When my brothers and I were little guys, pre-k age.  My mom would let us run around the yard playing naked.

My dad's first words getting home from work were typically,  "put some f*cking cloths on these kids!"

 
My dad died when I was 4, so I don't have too many memories, but here is one.

My mom was cooking in the kitchen, dad was sitting in his recliner, with a Hamm's in one hand and me sitting on his lap as we watched TV. He decided to let me take a sip from his beer and I was so small I could barely hang onto the can with both hands. Mom, being Mother Nature, yelled from the kitchen, "Don't you give him any beer!!!"

He replied, "Of course not!" as he smiled and winked at me.    :lol:

 
Bobalos said:
Winner winner 

Chicken dinner
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what's really funny is he is 81 and helps me sometimes on my side business and the other day we were on a shopping center roof and i kept saying dad hold the damn flashlight right here, he's shining the light off across the roof looking at stuff, its pitch dark and I am thinking it's pay back time!

 
My GF used to say....

Worthless as tits on a boar-hog.

My catholic friend said it, 10 years later, as...a nun

 
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1"Do you wipe from the front or the Rear?"

2."IF IT ISNT WORTH DOING RIGHT, IT ISNT WORTH DOING "

3,"Dime Holding up a dollar"

4. Can't take care of someone else if you can't take.csre of yourself. 

5."never get involved with a women with more problems than you"

 
Called my old man yesterday, found out he has Covid. Asked him how he was doing if he was taking care of himself and had a O2 sensor to keep an eye on that.  In his usual tough guy manner he told me he was fine no little virus would take him down and he could still kick my ass into next week........

And then it happened, we came full circle while talking to my Dad i became my Dad

Told him, "Well if you're feeling froggy, go ahead and jump" 

He started to laugh then he started to cough and cough. 

 
Dad and his Buddy driving us somewhere, just us guys and we must have been about 5th grade...

Fine pretty lady walking down the street that caught all our eye...Dad and his buddy saw us eyeballing the :sexywave:

and quickly said "You wouldn't know what to do if she sat on your face".

It took us awhile to figure that one out....but when we did! 

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This ain't funny. Asked my dad later on in life, why'd you always whip MY aiss? How come you never whipped my brothers' asses? He said, because PAIN was your only disciplinarian. Your brothers listened. You never listened! Peace

 
ChEFF said:
This ain't funny. Asked my dad later on in life, why'd you always whip MY aiss? How come you never whipped my brothers' asses? He said, because PAIN was your only disciplinarian. Your brothers listened. You never listened! Peace
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@ least he knew that one size does not fit all. 

 
Completely inappropriate but here are a few.

With his "vertically challenged" friends... "nose to nose your toes is in it, toes to toes your nose is in it"

With his "friends with heavier women"... "Perfect woman is shade in the summer and warmth in the winter"

With his "not so great looking friends"... "Looks like someone shot missed, chit and hit"

I could go on!

 
my dad texted me, he works this annual dog show every year for something to do, has done it for prob 20 years. 

he texted me and said I saw %%% x wife, she's broader than 2 axe handles now

 
When I was little if I walked up on my grandpa working on something with tools.  He would always yell at me to go to the “thing”.  I would have no idea what he wanted so I would bring a screwdriver or some other tool and he would lose his mind that I didn't know what he wanted. Lol.  I miss him 

 
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