JD'S Memes

JDMeister said:
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When at home. DON~~~

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An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."

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Magic Penis

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip,

so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her

occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his

situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't

know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so

many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!'

The husband said, 'The what'?

The man repeated, 'The Magic

Penis,' and pulled out what

seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a

dildo!'

The man

then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic

Penis door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and

started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door

shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to

form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic

Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and

returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had

been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic

Penis, my crotch.'

The penis shot to her crotch..

It was absolutely incredible. After three mind

shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided

she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it

was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how

to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and

started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her

swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this

and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't

had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got

this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't

stop screwing me.'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and

replied, 'Yeah right.... Magic Penis, my

ass...!'

The rest, as they say, is

history...

 
So I'm in the market the other morning, and now I have worries about our future as an educated nation.

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