JD'S Memes

From now on, it'll never be said that airport ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. We dug up a few actual (or at least claimed to be) logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.

Solution: Live bugs on backorder.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.

Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution: That's what they're there for!

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.

Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny.

Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem: Radar hums.

Solution: Reprogrammed radar with words.

Problem: IFF inoperative.

Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.

Solution: Suspect you're right.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.

Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: Number 3 engine missing.

Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

By the way, according to the report, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Really inspires a lot of confidence doesn't it?

 
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