JD'S Memes

Johnny comes home in the middle of the day,and finds his young blonde wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, seven-inch steel high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded. "What happened here?" he asked.

"I think the waterbed busted," said his trembling wife. Just then a naked guy floated by.

"Who is that?" demanded Johnny . She replied, "I dunno. Must be a lifeguard."

 
Johnny was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.
“What’s up Johnny?” asked the bartender…
It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.”
“It’s my five year old son…” the Johnny replied.



“Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school?
My lad’s just the same – forget about it;
it happens to boys that age,”
said the bartender, sympathetically.



“ I only wish it was that,” says Johnny,
“ but it’s far worse than that. The little devil has gotten our
gorgeous blonde20 year old next door neighbor pregnant.”



“Get away, that’s impossible!”
gasped the bartender.



“It’s not,” said Johnny.
"The little bugger stuck a pin in all my condoms.”






 
Johnny is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, brother?" The drunk answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again - but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

Johnny staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

 
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