Elderly Parents - How did you handle or what did you have to fix?

Crusty said:
the only issue is siblings making it more difficult then it needs to be
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Had a similar issue recently. Several relatives were told who was designated to make health decisions. Another different relative was named on the legal form.
Moral of my confusing post is that all
family members should be told who is in charge of what at the same time so there is misunderstandings.
 
I hope my girls don't have to deal with me in a bad state. I'm pushing my guns on them and their future (hopefully not chode) husbands now. Alzheimers scares me. I plan on my liver giving out before that.
 
EastMT said:
Had a similar issue recently. Several relatives were told who was designated to make health decisions. Another different relative was named on the legal form.
Moral of my confusing post is that all
family members should be told who is in charge of what at the same time so there is misunderstandings.
Click to expand...
Once the dementia sets in, it will only matter what the paperwork says.



Bansh88 said:
I hope my girls don't have to deal with me in a bad state. I'm pushing my guns on them and their future (hopefully not chode) husbands now. Alzheimers scares me. I plan on my liver giving out before that.
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Agree with this 100%. Dementia/Alzheimers sucks. I'd much rather have a heart attack a year or so before that shit sets in.
 
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About to enter this part of my parents life, dad was diagnosed with cancer today. Having some major issues in hospital the past week. We don’t even know how to get him in home up the stairs into house when he comes home. Early last week he was working. My mom is scared, married 57 years. When he comes home she wants to go over their plans and finances, I have a lot on the plate in the near future
 
My mom had a trust set up as soon as my Stepdad passed, she also had me and my sisters over and explained to all three of us exactly what was what and who got what. My middle sister would have been the one who would have made things difficult after moms passing just like she had when anyone in the family had passed. Unfortunately, fortunately my middle sister did not out live our mother. So now it's just me and one sister and we are fine with the way it is, she will get more but she will be the POA and takes care of my mom pretty much now as it is.
 
A Trust for sure.

And Scott, stay Far away anyone of Philipino decent, when it comes to dealing with your folks...

They are all in it together from the nurses to the lawyers in taking "good care" of the elderly.

Call for details if you want.
 
I will soon be navigating similar waters.

The problem is my parents own homes in Mexico. I have dual citizenship so that piece is not a factor in my dilemma. They also have homes in CA...where they have lived close to ¾ of their lives. I will not live in Mexico, period. I will not live in CA, either; even for a couple weeks at a time. Their primary home now (our vacation home) is in Mazatlan (my eldest lives in their 2nd primary home in CA). The Mazatlan home is a three-story mansion near the beach...soon they will not be able to climb up/down the stairs. If they want to spend the rest of their years in MX, it will be on their own. That is a SIGNIFICANT risk and one they would need to evaluate but at their age (early 70's today) may be biased toward MX. I will/would not live there.

My sister in CA is a selfish, self-serving, woke, Liberal c<nt (an RN with an MBA). My sister in Raleigh is an in-n-out out of rehab drug & alcohol addict loser. So that leaves me.

I recommended they speak with an attorney who will advise them on plans when they are not medically and/or legally cleared to make any decisions or in their absence. I believe they've set that all up but I'm not sure. In MX, it all comes to me by default as my sisters are not entitled to any assets because they are non-MX citizens.

My concern is where they decide to spend their last adventure. I'm the only one that would/will commit to care for them but in order to do that, they'd have to move here, to Knox, TN. My dad would do it but not sure about mom. I have a 5k+ sqft. home and a guest house. They would not be an inconvenience to us. I'd readily hire a 24/7 care taker. I'm not confident they would agree to move here.

There is so much uncertainty. The future is opaque because they don't like to share personal details about their finances/business/persona life.
 
After the financial path is established and the inevitable decline happens, its common to step up and try to care for adults parents in decline. We recent did this with my wife's mother and it was a lot more difficult than we had thought it would be. Get help early on and consistently, elderly care is no walk in the park and whatever financial resources have been accrued over the years are well spent if utilized for care and keeping some sort of normalcy in the home. It's a marathon not a sprint.
 
Sitting at the oral surgeons office now with my mom. Went thru 5 days of back and forty with the dentist and oral surgeon. Dentist cared less for health and more for the money. Oral surgeon was 100 percent health driven.
Dentist basically tried to extort us for dentures and molds before he would release her for tooth extraction. Oral surgeon said all that can't happen till months after healing.
Had my mom dealt with this on her own. All her credit cards would of been maxed out at the dentist.
As it is, I'm out of pocket 4500 for the surgery and was able to save 2k by asking the DR.
My mom woulda just handed over the cc.
 
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