Dunelover
Active member
- May 6, 2021
- 137
- 139
It's about time for my annual River Season List. Enjoy! See you out there.
Happy Boating Season List
1. Arrive at River house and get the AC going, then realize you have that Wi-Fi A/C thing and forgot to use it. Then hug your boat for an inappropriate amount of time. (Like hugging a boat is normal)
2. Hug the Razor or Can Am…or that other brand, so it doesn’t get jealous. Make promises to it, that you don't intend to keep, assuring it that you'll take it out even though it's a hundred billion degrees outside.
3. Fight off the sudden wave of sadness and anger after realizing you need to go get fuel in the boat and you are so damn tired from driving to the river.
4. Insert energy drink into oral cavity and consume, like a Boss! (YOU don't have to listen to your stupid doctor!)
5. Grab a beer from the garage fridge, and rejoice over the fact that it's full of goodies. Tell your wife or husband, or... there is no "or", they are awesome for keeping it stocked. Maybe something like, "Babe, you're amazing" (When you get into your truck to go get gas it'll be more like, "Man, that bitch is bomb!") Don't worry, the beer should also help to balance out the energy drink, right?
6. Hook up the boat and go pump it full of fuel. Both tanks, don’t be lazy.
7. Smile as you realize fuel is currently cheap…NOT! “I still did that.”-Joe Biden
8. Mumble under your breath some sh*t about Brandon for making you pay $300 in fuel to go float your boat.
9. Yell, but not loud enough for people to hear you, “F*ckin' sh*t!” as you try unsuccessfully to jump out of the way of the fuel that spills out once it’s full…Every, damn, time! (By the way, someone did hear you.)
10. Fondly recall #5 as you grin knowing you’ll be reunited with the garage 'fridge soon. Then realize you have to pee since you had a beer and an energy drink and you're not f*cking 25 anymore, old man.
11. Apologize to the wife for “accidentally” forgetting to take the grocery list with you. And yes, she knows you did that sh*t on purpose, but it's ok because you told her she was amazing just a little while ago. (You're welcome)
12. Return to the house and repeat #5 and get one for the wife. Ok maybe two... three if you think you have a shot with her tonight. I mean. you're tired, but never that tired. Know what I'm saying?!
13. Repeat #11 to desired level of comfort. (Results may vary)
14. After being shot down, again, by the wife, go out to the garage...where you're appreciated! Did you hear that, Honey!
15. Run and hide as you hear the wife come into your man cave screaming, "What did you say?!"
16. After she leaves "your space", gaze upon your beautiful boat with pride, while filled with boyish glee that nothing is broken, at the moment. (Not including your pride)
17. Get super angry after remembering that something IS actually broken and you forgot to get it fixed last time due to #11.
18. Man up, find the wife, hug her tightly reminding yourself you’re a lucky dude, and feel all better.
Have a great boating season!
[SIZE=14pt] [/SIZE]
Happy Boating Season List
1. Arrive at River house and get the AC going, then realize you have that Wi-Fi A/C thing and forgot to use it. Then hug your boat for an inappropriate amount of time. (Like hugging a boat is normal)
2. Hug the Razor or Can Am…or that other brand, so it doesn’t get jealous. Make promises to it, that you don't intend to keep, assuring it that you'll take it out even though it's a hundred billion degrees outside.
3. Fight off the sudden wave of sadness and anger after realizing you need to go get fuel in the boat and you are so damn tired from driving to the river.
4. Insert energy drink into oral cavity and consume, like a Boss! (YOU don't have to listen to your stupid doctor!)
5. Grab a beer from the garage fridge, and rejoice over the fact that it's full of goodies. Tell your wife or husband, or... there is no "or", they are awesome for keeping it stocked. Maybe something like, "Babe, you're amazing" (When you get into your truck to go get gas it'll be more like, "Man, that bitch is bomb!") Don't worry, the beer should also help to balance out the energy drink, right?
6. Hook up the boat and go pump it full of fuel. Both tanks, don’t be lazy.
7. Smile as you realize fuel is currently cheap…NOT! “I still did that.”-Joe Biden
8. Mumble under your breath some sh*t about Brandon for making you pay $300 in fuel to go float your boat.
9. Yell, but not loud enough for people to hear you, “F*ckin' sh*t!” as you try unsuccessfully to jump out of the way of the fuel that spills out once it’s full…Every, damn, time! (By the way, someone did hear you.)
10. Fondly recall #5 as you grin knowing you’ll be reunited with the garage 'fridge soon. Then realize you have to pee since you had a beer and an energy drink and you're not f*cking 25 anymore, old man.
11. Apologize to the wife for “accidentally” forgetting to take the grocery list with you. And yes, she knows you did that sh*t on purpose, but it's ok because you told her she was amazing just a little while ago. (You're welcome)
12. Return to the house and repeat #5 and get one for the wife. Ok maybe two... three if you think you have a shot with her tonight. I mean. you're tired, but never that tired. Know what I'm saying?!
13. Repeat #11 to desired level of comfort. (Results may vary)
14. After being shot down, again, by the wife, go out to the garage...where you're appreciated! Did you hear that, Honey!
15. Run and hide as you hear the wife come into your man cave screaming, "What did you say?!"
16. After she leaves "your space", gaze upon your beautiful boat with pride, while filled with boyish glee that nothing is broken, at the moment. (Not including your pride)
17. Get super angry after remembering that something IS actually broken and you forgot to get it fixed last time due to #11.
18. Man up, find the wife, hug her tightly reminding yourself you’re a lucky dude, and feel all better.
Have a great boating season!
[SIZE=14pt] [/SIZE]
