Elderly Parents - How did you handle or what did you have to fix?

Crusty

Crusty

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My parents are entering an age where I've been more involved in their finances, large purchases, bills, about everything except medical. We just got their taxes all in order last year, ugh.

I'm thinking power of attorney might not be far off, they are not fighting any of it, they just need my help. Have you been down this road?
Yesterdays adventure is trying to find my recourse for Elderly Person with Advanced Dementia / Alzheimer's that was sold a used car at a dealership. Buy Back was 5 days or 300 miles and we took it back on the 8th day with less then 50 miles total.

I'm awaiting to see what can be done this afternoon by the GM, last night the sales folks could not make those decisions and we were already beat. My Dad was ready to pew pew these guys, they loaded up my mom like a 18 year old buying their first car. It's hard not be frustrated, but the dealer is doing what dealers do, making money - i get that part. They clearly see now it was bad on their part, so we will see what happens.

This is a local So Cal Dealer that many have bought their trucks from etc., in OC. They will be the Hero or Zero based on what happens next, I don't want to blast them yet.

Thoughts on this?

Yore own past experience and dealings on something similar?
Anyone in the market for a 2018 Audi Q5 2.0 SUV with 50k miles?

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Do your parents have a trust? If they do, the power of attorney should already be in place. If they don't, get that done first thing!! Makes things much easier in the long run.
 
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I can tell you that in the sales realm, this may qualify as elder abuse. If it’s clear they took advantage of the situation, bring that up and say that’s your next move. (Adult protective services)
 
I have gone down this path with my Dad 5 years ago, and now going down it with my Mom. They have been divorced for 45 years, both remarried.

My advice, if the trust is over 10 years old, have a lawyer go back thru it. If they are married, all the control goes to the next alive in a typical trust, not to the kids (unless they both die at the same time). It will have to be spelled out if you want it different (like both are not competent). The trustee doesn't automatically have power of attorney (medical and financial) when they are alive. Once they both die, the power of attorney no longer exists, the trustee runs the show. All this if it is Marital trust.

Make sure all property and assets are in the trust. THIS IS HUGE!!!

Demetia/Alziemers really makes all this much harder as well.
 
Sorry to hear this man. I hope the GM dealer pull up their big boy pants and does what right.

Prayers to your family for support.
 
I've been dealing with this with both parents for about a bit more than a year now. Dementia for Dad and Alzheimers for Mom. I've taken over everything and am just trying to keep it rolling. I could write a book, but not on a public forum.

I was fortunate that they did a trust/will that I was able to find. PM me and I'd be glad to chat.

As to the car, the first thing I'd be looking for is does she have a diagnosis of dementia/alzheimers that you can get ahold of?
 
I dealt with it for 1 year as my dad died a few years ago and have been dealing with it with my mom for past 5 years (20 years really). Its tough. Feelings get hurt especially when things like dimentia and sundowners is involved. My mom broke her hip twice in 7 months. We had to force her to sell her 3 story house (she lived in with my handicapped sister). Hope you never deal with that
 
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Went down this road with my wife’s grandmother going as far as her living with us. Now I’m in the middle of this with my mom and her husband. It takes patience’s and a lot of grace.

I wish you luck on your journey.
 
Update on the Car Dealer. GMC, Buick, Cadillac in OC, I feel they did as right as they could, who knows, not going to blast them, situation sucked.

After 4 hours, we walked away with a check that was $2700 less then what we gave them on 11/04. It would have been great to only pay the $500 restocking fee that their contract cancellation stated if returned 5 day or 300 miles from date of purchase. We were at 8 days and under 50 miles, it was not worth anymore of our time or additional headaches, lessons learned on on to setting up their matters to avoid this in the future. My parents were happy with the outcome, this was a weekend at the casinos to them...ugh.

Thanks for the input, allot of good advice and experience in this thread.
 
Have been going through this and will continue to go through this.

I have written and legal instructions. I told my wife and kids what to do if it ever gets to this for me. They played the "I'm not abandoning you" card. So I wrote it out and took the burden off them. I also told them I'll check myself into assisted living when I feel it gets to that point so they don't have to.

It all comes down to proper planning and having the conversation. I'm not big on family so that makes it a little easier. I don't feel they owe me anything. Older generations or people who are big on family, feel it's the family's jobs and responsibility to take care of aging or in need family members. I get it and it's respectable. Just not my story.

Crusty, You're a good man handling all this.
 
We just had a contractor come over for some remodeling. So Silvia’s 96 yr old mom can come and live with us. We will see how everything goes.
 
I am getting to the starting stages of it I think. Mother in law got taken for $7k by one of those phone scammers. They called her and told her that her i-tunes account was over drafted and she needed to drive to target to buy apple gift cards and read the numbers over the phone to pay off the balance. They had her buy gift cards until the credit cards would get denied then had her drive to 3 different targets to try again. She also gave them remote access to her computer. This whole thing took several hours, she even had to call them back from her lan line because her cell phone ran out of batteries. And she doesn't even have i-tunes or an account at all. We are just lucky they only got $7k before Target and credit cards cut her off. Never got any of the money back because she physically bought the gift cards herself. How do you prevent something like this? For all I know she is sending checks to a nigeran prince right now.
 
Going thru it with my Mom, dementia / Alzheimer
She keeps signing up for virus protection on her computer and cell phone. Can't seen to find a way to stop it or her.
She lost her license, I have her Porsche now and am getting ready to sell it.
I handle her finances and doctor appts. My sister lives close and handles most of the other things. Mom is still pretty independent and lives on her own but that day is coming when she will need a live in and that is scary in and of itself.

Sorry I don't have any info to share Crusty but know its a tough road and a lot of us are going thru it.
 
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