Joke of the day! (No Memes)

My wife accidentally locked herself out of the house and I didn’t hear her knocking until I finished eating the rest of her cheesecake.
So weird.
 
Little known fact, Cows kill more people than Sharks.
It's never been seen, a cow killing a shark.
 
When I clean stubborn stains, I try
to use alcohol.
Normally an Imported single malt.
 
Just finished cleaning out my junk drawer.
If anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95 let me know
 
The fact that somebody looked at a purple onion and decided it was a good idea to name it a red onion seriously bothers me
 
The man who invented the wind chill factor has sadly passed away
He was 98 but felt like 85
 
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