Joke of the day! (No Memes)

Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fifth one I've been to that says Insufficient Funds.
 
Is it possible that the only people that
refuse to run with scissors is lesbians?
 
My wife caught me sucking in my stomach while I was on the scale. She laughed at me and said, "That's not going to help."
I replied, "Actually, it does. It's the only way I can see the numbers."
 
I'm not saying the meal was bad, but,
the steak still had marks where the jockey whipped it.
 
If someone tries to tell you biscuits and gravy isn't a meal, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
 
Did a little mechanic work today. Put a rear end in a recliner…
 
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